With a little more than a month away from my book launch and my first proof ordered for review it’s starting to actually sink in that
I am going to put my book out.
When I thought about this day months ago I was brimming with excitement and the thought of seeing my novel up for sale on Amazon made me giggle in anticipation, but now…
Now when I see the publish button at the bottom on the Smashwords page or the email I received after requesting a proof telling me how to approve the proof for publishing,
I just feel sick.
Yeah, I’ve been so gung-ho ever since I decided to do this on my own –trying not to look down as I climbed the slippery cliffs of self-publishing. Problem is now that I’m so close to the top…I’ve looked down.
Looking down, I began to suddenly worry that maybe my book isn’t what I think it is and maybe I’m not a good writer after all. Maybe the most important thing an agent and publishing house can give you is the validation that you are a good writer and you’ve written something that others want to read.
What if I publish this novel and no one likes it? What if I only receive scathing reviews? I feel like I’m approaching the edge of dream I’ve always had and very soon I’ll find out if this dream becomes real or will just fizzle away to the dark corner of regret where lost dreams go. Is it better to just keep the dream?
But then I sent an email venting some of these worries to my amazing crit partner (Bethany Yeager) and in only a few fantastic lines completely grounded me again to why I was doing this in the first place:
“And Lauren, let me just tell you: your book is good. It’s solid. It’s fun. The premise is fantastic, the execution is fascinating. If you doubt yourself, give yourself a little shake and know this: ultimately, the point of stories is to entertain. There is beautiful prose out there, gorgeous dialogue, pretty covers, but that means nothing if people are bored. And your story is NOT boring. It’s wonderful. And what’s even better? It’s got some pretty gorgeous prose/dialogue/cover as well. 🙂 And if it doesn’t do well at first, then just write the next one. You’ll get there with perseverance. :)”
Okay, you see why I’m so lucky to have her and why she is such a great writer!
(I wish I could use this blurb on the front cover of my book!)
Anyway, it’s exactly what I needed and has completely calmed my launching fears. I’ve turned my head back up to the summit and reached for another hand hold.
Thank you, Bethany.
laurenwaters 
How does your “to do” list look now? Didn’t you have one when you started? I’m curious to hear how many things are still left “to do”.
Coming close to the end, do you have an urge to look back on your words (chaps, story line ect.) and change them? I could see myself being the type to wonder if a word was better than an another just like a a last minute mirror check before going out….should I wear a different pair of earrings or shirt?…I feel when I get to your point…I’ll be questioning my story knowing once I let it go….I can’t go back.
Great idea! I will definitely post another to do list soon –whenever I figure out what’s left that is. It is extremely hard to think about not constantly revising especially when that’s all you’ve done for the last two years but at some point I think you need to realize it’s showtime.
Oh Lauren, I’m so glad I was able to help! I really do love your story, and I KNOW I won’t be the only one. 🙂
As for insecurity, I’m sure I’ll be feeling the same way if I ever get published/self publish/post any sort of online story ever. I get insecure pretty easily. 🙂
One of the best things I ever did was email you on Absolute Write. You’re the best!
Hi, Lauren! I’m ready to buy it, so you have a sale! Those cold feet just mean you put your heart into your work.
The hard part is yet to come — promoting the book.
I believe the best way to deal with butterflies and cold feet is to write something new. Soon you’ll have two books up, and then three, and you’ll be taking it in stride.
Holly, thank you so much for your support and you are so right, I have to just get this book out and focus on the next one to come. Oh and promoting 😦
It`s so exciting that you are very close to launching your book! 🙂 We writers can be perfectionists with our work, so I can understand the cold feet, but your crit partner gave you wonderful advice! I am sure that your book will be a success.
Thanks so much Sara and good luck with querying those small publishers!
Bethany summed it up pretty well. I’m sure you will do great out there, with a crit buddy like her! 😀 And if this isn’t the book, well there are others. Some of my favorite authors wrote horrible books their first time around but they grew as writers as their craft improved. In the end, it’s just a book. And if it’s that bad, then change your name and start over. Or prove the world wrong and keep going because somewhere out there is your audience.
I’ve included my email address within the comment. Please remind me when your book is out and I’ll get a copy*, so here’s another sale.
Wishing you all the best on your self-publishing journey!
(*as long as it’s not over $10 ;))
Wahoo! Two sales! I feel great already! Thanks so much Fatima and Bethany is gold. I hope everyone is lucky enough to have such a supportive and brilliant crit partner. And you’re right, there’s no reason why I have to stake my whole writing career on this one novel, or even series. I have to just do my best and keep going. Just keep swimming…just keep swimming…